December 23, 2013
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Xanga v. Sleep
Oh what a busy and fruitful week… I know I wanna Xanga, but wisdom tells me sometimes it is better to sleep than toil typing out what I did this week. So instead I shall do one of my most favorite things to do in the world, write my One True Love a love letter and then humble myself by calling it a night.
Dear YHWH,
Who am I? What is my life that you have brought me this far? AND [this] is a small thing in Your eyes! Oh I am but dust yet paradoxically I am your precious child, I am nothing yet my identity has me inheriting Everything for You are mine and I am Yours, such sweet and succulent truth. AHH it blows my mind away as I strive to fathom this and I absolutely love it! Oh how I love it, I love YOU! OH YOU LOVE ME!!! How can I keep from singing this love, how can I contain it in every text I write, thought I think, conversation I speak? How can I ever hold back proclaiming this love that I have with You? And its with a broken and contrite heart that I confess how I know how I can, its cause I’m a freakn sinner. I’m whorrebly forgetting and stupidly straying… God help me here please. I’m still not where I ought to be and theres this angst cuz I think about that question over and over again and I’m reminded of my fears and I know my frames so much more than I ever did before, and so with a ever [deep]ing longing I groan how much I need You. Therefore, here I am, at the end of my long and heavy week, filled with countless blessings, robust running about, many battles, a multitude of struggles, and a horde of failures, here I am beholding You only You. Here I am finding my identity and rest vertically and not horizontally. Here I am… trying not to care too much about MY words and how I sound… but aching to be honest and not holding nothing back from You. Oh You do not call me to live a safe and boring and comfortable namby pamby life like some cowardly spineless lukewarm and loving it jelly fish christian, but You call me to be a man of God with holy ambition and a reckless abandonment who counts the cost daily and passionately says the truth, “You are worth it!”, for Your glory and the final salvation of the many which has become my deepest joy and pleasure. You not only call me to be this, but You declare and refine me into this! But oh I confess that I am a sinner and if its not one thing then its another… even as I write these words in this letter to You there already is a war waging inside of me… so as I said, here I am… You KNOW me… must I say anything more?
its in Your Sweet Sweet name,
Your beloved J.P. Fisher
P.S. Thank You for this strong perfect plea every time Satan has tempted me to DESPAIR this week as well as an abundance of grace that has helped me to focus on the Gospel every time [DM] has tried to entice me with what he offers on the table.
