Very rarely do I use the successful formula of blogging, although I do know it and believe that it works and helps, I have chosen to abstain from it, the methodology of concise well proportioned(not too little or people aren’t intrigued, and not too much or people skip it all) and coherent blocks of content driven paragraphs that commonly start with a personal anecdote as introduction to topic and then are broken up with helpful and eye catching bold headers matched with an overall sleek design format(hip trendy edited pictures with or without text are optional, but highly encouraged) and viewer captivating questions(most often at the end) to engage readers into participation and motivate sharing, yes I for a long time I have abstained from it all. I am a narcissistic writer you see so I write how I wanna write and don’t give a rip if one responds “TLDR”, but today I mix it up because the Holy Spirit has led me to for God’s glory and the final salvation of the many.
What are your “I wont TELL if you don’t ASK”‘s?
So a brother in Christ(shout out to Steven Wu) and I came up with this funny idea #christianhumor, but one day we were having accountability and we talked about how the next time we have one on one we’ll do the following:
Both of us get in the car
Steven: Hey, we’re going to be in this car for a while. So how about we do this, I won’t ask you about your deep dark secret sins if you don’t ask me about my deep dark secret sins. Deal?
(Now depending on my response, the conversation will go two ways)
1. Accept
Patrick: Deal!
Steven: AHA! So what are you trying to hide?!?
OR
2. Decline
Patrick: What?!? No deal!
Steven: Okay! That was a test, and you passed.
It’s a funny dialogue, but we thought of it because we have seen that the “I won’t ask if you won’t ask me” mindset(or should I say heartset) is what tragically happens in lots of fellowships and accountability. And brothers and sisters in Christ, such thinking needs to stop and be gospelized because “I(we) do not have to be haunted by what may be exposed about me(us), because everything that could be exposed has already been covered by the blood of Jesus.” -PT
So the following are three tips I wanna exhort you with to prayerfully keep in your heart during your next accountability meet up, small group, church gathering, car ride with a brethren, or any time you find yourself with a God given opportunity to dig [deep]er with a soul.
Be the first to confess
Look, in a small group/accountability partnership/discipleship, it only takes ONE brave soul that believes the Gospel enough to take initiative and share/talk about what needs to be said despite one’s fear and shame. To be the first one to confess helps sets the mood like raising the temperature on a holy thermostat in a freezing room where people are hide under layers and layers of shame and beautifully eloquent hip scarfs and ski masks of lies. The mood where transparency becomes warmly welcomed and true Holy Spirit transformation can begin to happen, where sins or temptations that have been festering in the dark corners of one’s life and mind are finally brought to light in a Gospel-centered relationship that happens not just once or occasionally during retreats and conferences, but steadfastly, life on life, throughout the day to day rhythms. Therefore, share your struggles AND God help you please don’t minimize them or be general, but say it how truly is. I’ll practice what I’m preaching and confess it myself to exhort you to do likewise. I confess that I have so many times shared my struggles with sins in ways that I know actually make me appear better than I really am. And though I share and its a form of transparency, its a cheap and perverted/tinted kind that isn’t truly believing the Gospel nor helping my brethren confess their own struggles in the way they ought because often they match the pace I have set. If I generalize, they’ll generalize. If I say lust instead of masturbation, they’ll say lust instead of masturbation. So I exhort you to not only be the first that confesses, but to confess well, instead of saying something general like “Hey, I’ve been struggling with lust and pride this week” say “Hey, I’ve been masturbating everyday this week and just before meeting up with you I looked at porn and even while we have been talking about God that girl with really short shorts in the corner is really causing me to lust as I sneak peeks every now and then.” or “Hey, I need to confess that when you joked about how this girl would stop liking me after she gets to know me, I got offended and started remembering all the stupid things you’ve done and I thought about how ‘I’m a better Christian than you’.” So please don’t keep silent, but speak up! Help create an environment where your brother and sister can feel safe from condemnation by being the first to say whats already obvious, we are sinners and we are sinning, now just make it more specific with details. Trust me, its so worth it because in light of the Gospel we can not only be accepted, but we can be truly known!
Ask the good questions
To ask good questions requires one very key ingredient, listening! It is not just enough to half heartedly hear someone, many people just hear people’s struggles while waiting for their turn to say something, but we need to really pay attention and listen to someone both with our ears and hearts. Listening is important because good questions are the right questions to ask at the right time to the right soul. As addressed earlier, theres always that struggle in people to minimize their sin or not share something they may actually desperately want to confess, but struggle to. Therefore, ask questions that help the soul speak boldly and confidently in light of the grace God pours out because of Christ and through the power of the Holy Spirit. Ask questions that stimulate deep nitty gritty lets-wage-war-on-sin-because-we-have-the-Gospel type of talk. For example, “Hey is there anything you know you need to confess, but won’t unless someone ask you?”, “What have you been struggling with?”, “Is there any sins you haven’t confessed or repented from?”, “Are you trying to make yourself sound better than you actually are?” Then ask follow up questions that dig [deep]er and that you can use to intentionally point them back to Christ, “What do you mean by struggling with lust with your girlfriend, like does that mean making out every now and then or having sex?”, “Why do you think you haven’t read your Bible or been praying as much?”, “Where do you think this sin stems from?”, “What truths have you been preaching to yourself or how exactly have you been repenting?” Where has God been in all this?”, “If someone was struggling with exactly what you are struggling with, how would you share the Gospel with them?”, “Why?(its simple, but very powerful!) etc. etc. And finally, ask MORE follow up questions again! This means that the next time you meet with this soul whose confessed with you struggles and heart matters, ask them again how things have been since then if things are better than its a praise report and if things are worse or the same then get back into it in order to keep pointing back to Christ, because the struggles will persist thus so should the heart probing and Gospel centered questions in accountability. Therefore, learn to listen, learn to ask good intentional questions. Other questions I like to ask, “How can I serve you BESIDES just praying for you?” and “Are you lying?” again “Why?/Can you elaborate?/What do you mean by this or that?”
Gospelize aka point it back to Christ
This is without a single doubt in my minds end the most important one of them all because if you confess everything and ask really deep questions, but don’t bring it back to the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the good news of His Word, then your accountability fucking sucks! Look, its not about preaching at someones face just for the sake of preaching, for there are so many ways to speak truth NOT in love, but we must respond when brethren confess sins in order to speak life into them, we can’t just listen and move on to the next topic or person. We must ever be proclaiming the healing words of Christ to someone who is trusting you enough to let down their walls and show you their brokeness and open wounds. So if you don’t point it back to Christ, then you forsake the reason why we need to dig deep with others in the first place, you forget why it is we need to confess sins and ask good questions and ultimately have accountability. Every act of intentionality is for the purpose to Gospelize the way we need to Gospelize to our particular brother or sister in Christ that God has sovereignly placed in front of us to be accountable to. Behold, all of this is not some cold formula that you can simply memorize and do, but this requires a regenerated heart that genuinely wants to love their brother and sister and kill sin together with them because theres more of God to be had and enjoyed and know. This is what the Jesus Christ enables us to do. We get to remind each other of the truth that saves us because we are prone to wander and prone to forget it. This is one of the major reasons why the Christian life is wired by God to take place in the context of community/the local church. Because you can know the Gospel and even preach it to yourself or hear it from a great speaker on a podcasts like J Pipes or Matt Chandler or Francis Chan, but there is power when a brother or sister in Christ, who personally knows you and has just heard your struggles, proclaims the good news of Christ to you with love. So speak the Gospel to others and ask them to speak it to you! “Look, I know you are struggling with your identity right now and that you are trying to find it in this person or this temporal area of your life, but remember that you are a child of God and the proof is in the Cross of Christ and that will never change!” Therefore, keep the Gospel ever present with your running about and small groups, don’t let it go implied or assumed least it be whorrebly forgotten, but bring it back to the Gospel! And pray together pray to God to restore the joy of y’all’s salvation. AND remember to use actual Scripture, not just rely on your own words. Faith comes from hearing the words of Christ, not yours. Be a radical, go to the root.
Don’t lose heart!
#GospelCenteredTableTalksBeforeILeftForJapan
I know all this is hard, but don’t lose heart brother and sister, its worth it in the end, and His grace is sufficient for you!
So is anyone keeping you accountable like this? Are you keeping anyone accountable like this? If you haven’t, are you going to? Why and why not? And what are your “I won’t TELL if you dont ASK”‘s?
If theres anything I can do to help you as a brother in Christ, please let me know. Soli Deo Gloria!
P.S. I realize I couldn’t even stick to the formula as my paragraphs are too chunky!
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