[Final Whisper , "GAIN."]

David Brainerd died at 29,
His life was short but so divine.
Charles Spurgeon died at 57,
Oh how that preacher reached for Heaven.
And C.S. Lewis died at 64,
As he found JOY for evermore.
But when will I come to die?
This I wonder(to God) as I cry...

I am still sick, so I'll make this intro quick, for here's my week more or less, I pray as its read it will bless, by showing you God's good grace, His sovereignty typed out to taste.

Monday

-I went to my part time job, but there was no work to be done, so it was a lot of sitting and listening to sermons.
-Ran about with a sister in Christ; shared testimonies, cleaned up some vandalism, and had a very interesting talk.
-Ran about with a brother in Christ; I've come to learn that we are by far way worse sinners then actually we let on, and if [DM] had his way then this truth would leave me a cold and disdained filled cynic, but because the love of Christ prevails against all cynical callus, I can love because I know God stills loves us despite how jacked up we fully are.

Tuesday

-Wrote my mom a heartfelt letter for Christmas, well technically it was a letter to God about my mom which I gave to her, and a CD of really awesome worship songs she can listen to before she goes to sleep (she enjoys them both).
-Went to a fambam partay and got some Doctor Who Swag.

Wednesday

-A very interesting Christmas day which was also a very prayerful day.
-Ran about with the Whale King(the 3rd).
-DOCTOR WHO!!!

Thursday

-Went for a run(literally/physically ran, not "running about" aka patrick lingo) and after three weeks of no running I must confess that I am sadly out of shape.
-Went to my favorite Ten Rens; twas sad cuz the guy that normally serves me, whom I'm praying to be intentionally missional with, wasnt there today.
-Worked on my to do list and updated my calendar.
-Started working on some proposals and ecclesiology drafts for the church plant.
-Scheduled my CBEST.
-Caught up with a sister in Christ who dropped by Ten Rens for a bit.

Friday

-Work, we actually worked today, I really enjoy my time with my co-workers and being intentional with them along with another brother in Christ.
-Went to CrossView's Christmas Party, planned a dinner date with the Catapangs!

Saturday

-Generously bestowed my washing machine to a sister in Christ so that she wouldn't be ostracized for being a smelly child.
-Accountability with a brother in Christ, we are walking through a trial together and striving towards reconciliation. Trust,  frustration, and fires to test whether what binds us is really Christ or actually something fickle. I earnestly pray that it is the former.
-Running about and Kbbq with three brothers in Christ, 'twas a long a fruitful night.
-More progress on church plant stuff as well as more prayers.
-A brother in Christ came and slept over.

Sunday

-Sick, therefore, sabbathed the whole day.

 

I find that life's been really going well and dare I say it, great! Recently, a lot has been picking up, its quite the opposite of stagnant and yet I'm resting well, better than I probably ever had before. Part of me has to stop and make sure I'm not making myself sound better than I actually am though, which is such a great danger and I even fear saying how well things are going because I don't want people being discouraged when they compare there life with mine and that its almost too well and therefore kinda scary, scared I might be missing something in one of my "blindspots", but right now I'm content in Christ and enjoying the season God has me in with an OPEN hand on my  present circumstances. Is my life exempt from blessed suffering, intense trials, messy struggles, and whorreble failures? OBVIOUSLY NOT, please take me off any pedestal you have me on if you think otherwise stupid! But being a better king type, prioritizing and finding good rest after lots of running about, and preaching biblically saturated truths to myself like "I'm not god!" and more so truebdetrueb accepting them have been so huge and helpful. So as all is going well, please pray for me that I do not idolize a good thing into a god thing or that I take pride in anything temporal. Soli Deo Gloria!

Finally for your amusement I would like to bless you with my spoon dance:

http://gifmaker.me/PlayGIFAnimation.php?folder=2013123003lLFDK6hgaQTUhBsvCbQKN2&file=output_j4VQiv.gif

SOLEMN JUBILEE!

 

Oh what a busy and fruitful week... I know I wanna Xanga, but wisdom tells me sometimes it is better to sleep than toil typing out what I did this week. So instead I shall do one of my most favorite things to do in the world, write my One True Love a love letter and then humble myself by calling it a night.

Dear YHWH,

Who am I? What is my life that you have brought me this far? AND [this] is a small thing in Your eyes! Oh I am but dust yet paradoxically I am your precious child, I am nothing yet my identity has me inheriting Everything for You are mine and I am Yours, such sweet and succulent truth. AHH it blows my mind away as I strive to fathom this and I absolutely love it! Oh how I love it, I love YOU! OH YOU LOVE ME!!! How can I keep from singing this love, how can I contain it in every text I write, thought I think, conversation I speak? How can I ever hold back proclaiming this love that I have with You? And its with a broken and contrite heart that I confess how I know how I can, its cause I'm a freakn sinner. I'm whorrebly forgetting and stupidly straying... God help me here please. I'm still not where I ought to be and theres this angst cuz I think about that question over and over again and I'm reminded of my fears and I know my frames so much more than I ever did before, and so with a ever [deep]ing longing I groan how much I need You. Therefore, here I am, at the end of my long and heavy week, filled with countless blessings, robust running about, many battles, a multitude of struggles, and a horde of failures, here I am beholding You only You. Here I am finding my identity and rest vertically and not horizontally. Here I am... trying not to care too much about MY words and how I sound... but aching to be honest and not holding nothing back from You. Oh You do not call me to live a safe and boring and comfortable namby pamby life like some cowardly spineless lukewarm and loving it jelly fish christian, but You call me to be a man of God with holy ambition and a reckless abandonment who counts the cost daily and passionately says the truth, "You are worth it!", for Your glory and the final salvation of the many which has become my deepest joy and pleasure. You not only call me to be this, but You declare and refine me into this! But oh I confess that I am a sinner and if its not one thing then its another... even as I write these words in this letter to You there already is a war waging inside of me... so as I said, here I am... You KNOW me... must I say anything more?

its in Your Sweet Sweet name,

Your beloved J.P. Fisher

P.S. Thank You for this strong perfect plea every time Satan has tempted me to DESPAIR this week as well as an abundance of grace that has helped me to focus on the Gospel every time [DM] has tried to entice me with what he offers on the table.

Now hear I am again, striving for consistency and steadfastness with my resolve to come back to my Xanga. But I realize that as I desired it in my minds end to make this Xanga more diaryish, I come across the difficulty with details. Why? Because this is a public blog for anyone to read and so much of what happens throughout my week isn't just about me anymore, but as I run about my story  intertwines and deals with other souls and their sins and personal life. So I can't say everything and I pray for wisdom on how I unpack things, not for my glory, but for His and the final salvation of the many, and for grace when my good intentioned heart just f's up and even when I write my sweetest blog, I need grace cuz I know it'll still be spoiled and blotted with MY sin.

So why not just post my Xanga as private? Cuz part of the DNA of my Xanga is that, by God's grace, for the past 8 years its helped random web sojourners and secret lurking followers love God more. I know this from random personal emails to rare comments. So my Xanga shall continue to stay public until God reveals to me otherwise.

But another difficulty for not reporting details is that its time consuming and heavy fruitful weeks feel like months so its difficult to recollect everything so if anything consider the Xanga just glimpses of my day to day life that focuses on the highlights I want to remember and bless others with. ALSO BIG DISCLAIMER: If you read my diaryish Xanga and it makes you put me on any kind of a pedestal because of all the crazy things I do for the Lord, please stop, take me off and destroy your pedestals. This Xanga isn't to uplift me, but its to make much of God and testify all His works in me throughout my grace given weeks. Now I'll try to do my best in being honest and transparent with struggles through this medium, but I'll tell you, just as not every detail and blessing will be listed neither will every struggle or sin or temptation I go through, this is part of the wisdom part of this blog. But please do keep in your minds end that I'm a far greater sinner than you(and even I myself) realize! Which just makes it all the more crazy awesome that God loves me despite me and that the proof is in the Cross of Christ and all this stuff that I get to write down is only by His grace! Selah.

Monday
-Meaningful Mondays! Must I say more?
-Blessed to hear from a soul, whom I've been praying for(others have been also) and have been intentional with for quite some time, that I can now call him a brother in Christ.
-Despite such a productive and blessing filled day, [DM] still tempts me to despair.
-Prayed for a sister in Christ, very blessed by God's work that goes beyond me and her.

Tuesday
-Essay day till I found out that the due date was moved to Thursday and then this day became procrastination day!
-Started writing poetry about Finals and God's grace. They are quite popular on FB.(must confess seeking out "Likes" as a potential/to definite idol that I must do frequent heart checks for)

Wednesday
-Woke up and found out an assignment that I somehow thought was due Friday turned out to be due in 6 or so hours. Which became a blessing at the end as I finished it like a boss and therefore found myself ahead of my schedule.
-Knew another sister struggling, much prayer as I withheld my questions and waited upon the Lord.
-EPIC running about. Caught up with Billy Thai!
-Began to persistently preach to myself that "I'm not God" in order to trust more in Christ and not myself.

Thursday
-Turned in my essay "Experiencing God with the Poet's Poet(George Herbert)"; Spurgeon had "Lectures to my Students" while I have "Essays to my Teacher"
-The beginning of Finals for me started here. And so I saw my strives to be a better King type bear fruit in my studies.
-Delicious mexican food with EPIC brethren, good chill time.
-Kevin Wu's Bday dinner plus Monopoly Deal
-Read 1 Chronicles 16:8-36 and pages 199 to 200 of Dangerous Calling at Ten Rens to recuperate after the first day of Finals and in the eye of the hurricane. Lots of crazy Holy Spirit led stuff.

Friday
-Work led to good bonding time with the co-workers.
-Heavy day and night... lots of running about, lots of dealing with sin, lots of prayer, not just one things, but many, yet still I rejoice in the Lord.
-Kimkim's birthday celebration!
-A sister in Christ asked me a really good question and an even better follow up question that I most appreciate at Yard House.
-I asked a sister in Christ a really good question which lead to some great Gospel centered dialogue.
-Blessed by accountability brethren who responded to my text and especially Matt for personally Gospelizing my soul living life with me.

Saturday
-Running About with Jason Douangsanith! Always filled with holy anguish and joy. Joy because I love catching up with him and showing him Christ with my grace driven love and life but anguished cuz I know he's still not putting his hope in Christ and unless he repents, he's going to go to hell. As we were getting Cookie Butter he said he would come check out the church plant, so more to pray for now.
-Saw some old souls that I haven't seen a while, shared and celebrated the Lord's work in our lives.
-Super blessed by Tim's text message!
-Finally watched Old Boy and didn't end the night well, but true repentance God supplied.

Sunday
-Taught my Sunday School kids about Hell
-Went to small groups
-Attempted to study
-Silent Auction for TPC(JOY), lots of running about and blessings flow. I won me some Pokemon cards!
-Attempted to study again(I dont need to study cuz I got all of Monday to study and I'm good according to my schedule and hours I've calculated I need)
-More running about that ended in prayer and praise of the Holy Spirit at work. #strangefire
-Then a long and lovely Facebook chat that stirred my affections for God even though it cost some hours of sleep, but twas definitely a joy and pleasure.

Again theres always so much more, the details may be lacking, but this is all I can muster. Now I praise my God by resting well...

Dear Abba,

Help me to love the things You love and to hate the things You hate.

You are my all in all,

J.P. Fisher

So massive writer's block with Finals coming along is whorreble circumstance for and English major. Therefore, what do I do? I take a tip from my English Studies class and decide to blog in nigh-stream of consciousness!

Now why don't I use my trusty Xanga as much as consistently as I did years ago? I think I've answered this before, but its because nowadays I articulate myself with my pen and CRElb AND these seasons of my life have so many days that are filled with much running about which makes it difficult to sit down and commit to typing out my spiels/rants the same way as I did before, especially new spiels/rants that I haven't already CRElbed. Oh seasons! And yet here I am, on my Xanga, but why? I've been meaning to come back to her for a while, but just haven't been able to stick to my resolve with her(yes, I'm personifying my Xanga into a female, and a sexy one at that like the Doctor and his TARDIS) and even now as I type and ways I can steward her for the glory of my King and the final salvation of the many pop up into my head, I ponder if any of it will stick. But for now, (w)holy carpe diem! And let the narcissistic writing of J.P. Fisher commence!

So to clarify in case you've ever wondered what it is I CRElb(that black notebook I always carry along with my Bible); my CRElbs are NOT a diary or record of what goes on throughout my day, very rarely will I narrate personal events of my living especially in detail, rather my CRElbs are a collection/life book of thoughts and feelings, stories and questions, love letters to God and gospel presentations, prayers and poetry, and all that lovely jazz. Its spiels and rants and tangents that go on in my head that I want to remember rightly, make coherent and solid, and refine in articulation both for my own soul's good and with others I run about with, and all of the subject matterings are almost always about God or at the very least are in relation to God in the context of my life, what I'm exposed to in all its running about and resting well. Therefore, I thought just as my Xanga has been used as a diary/update of my days in Thailand and Japan, why not use it as such for my day to day life? In other words/tldr: I'm making my Xanga more diaryish! So this is my attempt at a consistent/steadfast revitalization of my beloved Xanga. Shall we begin?

Monday
-Work! I work now or rather I've been working. Feels good, it makes me tired, the good kinda tired. I used to have two part time jobs, now I only gots one. And in this job I can listen to sermons while working(I listen to around 4 a day plus worship music), its lovely, its like a Sabbath for my soul(even though I'm physically working, the time and setting lets my emotions, minds end, and soul recharge in ways sleep can never do so) without any distractions(cuz I'm working) AND I get paid for it.
-I am really blessed to work. I don't earn A LOT, but it's definitely enough to make running about all the more sweeter because I get to love upon souls with my own money instead of my mother's money.
-Meaningful Mondays Small Group = Always a joy a pleasure to run about with them.

Tuesday
-Taking baby steps to be a better King type in order to make much of His name and grow in sanctification and maturity
-Went to La Brea Tar Pits by my lonesome(well I'm never truebdetrueb alone when I got Jesus!) and asked myself, "How do you go to a museum for the glory of God and the final salvation of the many?"
-Since I was in LA already, I decided to run about with some of my favorite UCLA souls there: Ty, Jon, Ryan, and Jeremy
-Was asked a really good question by Jon that lead to some sin in my heart being lovingly exposed and now I am seeking repentance and making war against it.

Wednesday
-Found myself increasingly loving the Word of God more
-EPIC running about, was blessed that Zach wrote a Gospel presentation for the waitress.
-Found out I'm doing a spoken word at the winter EPIC conference! Please pray for that!
-Went back to UCLA cuz I left my bag there; surprised Jon with a very special gift.
-Saw some new houses and got home at around 3-4. #sleepisforwimps

Thursday
-Running about with Justin Kuo; an unCRElbable and unxangable conversation in intentionally getting to know a brother in Christ a lot better that I truebdetrueb enjoyed and soak in. Pray for more to come, if the Lord sees most fit.
-Good talk with mi madre(Susan)

Friday
-Work!(Friday's are more missional as I get lunch with my co-workers and sometimes we'll get drinks after work)
-Danny's Birthday Dinner, caught up with the Salazars(my version of the Ponds) and heard some prayerful good news from my 2nd mentor in life/the 1st Whale King
-Blessed to love upon a brother as I drove him back home and prayed for him
-Then while the night was still young(12am) I had accountability with Matt Chang after he got out of work at Dennys... mmm hot chocolate and deep Gospel centered talks!

Saturday
-Watched my little nephew Jacob and overall had some good fambam time
-Ran about with Ross while doing errands
-Brother's Appreciation, super blessed by EPIC sister's in Christ in too many ways to express through mere typing
-EPIC brother bonding at my house = wrestling, boxing, laughs, ping pong, and Christ like love plus the sweat of manly men filling my garage.

Sunday
-Taught Sunday School at my local church(HCBC); we are going over the attributes of God and had the kids write down 20 things they know about God.
-Caught up with Tim after the service in my car
-Went to TPC(Joy)'s Sunday Service for the first time(I'm planning to alternate between going to their FN BS and Sunday Service every week)
-Visited Ronnie in the hospital, feed him chocolate pudding, and then read to him some Scripture
-Now I'm here!

 

Okay not bad this is definitely a start plus its 3:00 in the morning and my brain knows its time to sleep... my writer's block is definitely loosening up and hopefully it'll last so I can finish up my essays for Finals, but I am succulently enjoying the sound of my heart being poured out through passionate typing unto my Xanga. I feel a little rusty, not getting all the details I'd like to add and I'm pretty sure I'm forgetting one or two really big events that'll just shake my head for forgetting, but slow and steady, Lord willing I'll be on here again next Sunday. Let him who is faithful with the pond, be faithful with the lake. And let him who runs about and blogs till 3a.m. humble himself and rest.

#soithasbegun

Dear Abba,

I love You.

Forever and always Yours,

J.P. Fisher